So as some of you/most of you will be aware the last couple of rounds have been a struggle and an absolute mind muddle, raising lots of questions, worries, concerns and horrible side effects. It has probably been the toughest period mentally for me!!
For a while ive struggled with not really having a break, yes i work it around holidays and galavanting but never a break for my body to restore and just feel normal. Something that after 42 rounds would have been expected to have, however due to some medical jargon and funding etc of this potentially wonder drug (cetuximab) i cannot have longer than 4 consecutive weeks without cetuximab and the chemo. We have managed to wangle our way around it once, having it but avoiding 5FU something i knew was only a one off.
However with Fiji looming and the side effects getting worse, some breakthrough came that the 4 weeks only has to start from the next intended does, technically giving you 6 weeks 🙂 so for me plenty of time to recover for Fiji and my body and mind a little break from bi weekly process and hopefully return with some extra clarity to carry on with all of this. However one round of full chemo to get through first, the 5FU is what seems to be getting to me at the moment providing lots of sickness, exhaustion and general :(.
Chemo through and all hooked up to the pump, surprisingly feeling really well, which has not happened since the first 8 months, myself and Vicky even contemplate Nando’s – but there is some people we must nip past and see first :)! Still feeling okay head home after a 5 guys and head to bed, wide awake but no real sickness, wow these tablets must have been good… well so i thought.
However when i wake up in the morning i realise that my pump isn’t going down and hasn’t gone down much since it was connected yesterday afternoon. So out come the kitchen scales and i weigh it and recheck in 2 hours to see if the pump is working or not!! 2 hours later… no decrease dodgy pump… no 5FU no i wonder i still relatively feel okay.
As i sometimes do i get carried away with myself thinking that i’ve won and beaten the world, yayy no 5FU and a 6 week break no sickness, no crazy side effects and maybe a bit of normality!! I guess they have two options reconnect a new pump or just not bother with it this round!! Well thats the choice between feeling sick or feeling okay to me so i am obviously opting for the latter. We will see what Dr Awesome says, but for now i get carried away and am running round the house like a lunatic, feeling so excited, almost like some massive weight that has been there for the last month has been lifted and i’m FREE!!!!
Below is a little re-enactment of that morning… even before i actually found out what was going to happen:
So after this absolute excitement, off to hospital we actually go… to find out the verdict. Thankfully Dr Awesome has a big heart and i have a stupidly happy grin and excitement to go with it and she agrees this time due to the pump being faulty i can go home and carry on trying to get over the other 2 drugs. Guess we will never know but the head space to just feel happy i think has done the world of good!!