Decisions Decisions Decisions

So after the announcement of the tumours regrowing and becoming resistant to FOLFIRI (Irinotecan and 5FU) and Cetuximab, Dr Awesome begins to explain the options and where we can go from here. Here they are:

  • Option 1 – Have a 3 month break off chemo and hospitals completely then restart on FOLFOX (Oxaliplatin and 5FU)
  • Option 2 – Start the new chemotherapy a bit quicker and crack on
  • Option 3 – Not have any.

Dr Awesome is swaying towards the 3 month break and then restart chemo, to allow my body a bit of time to recover and mentally perhaps have a total break from it all. However, knowing me she knows i will have lots of questions and need some thinking time to try and decide what i think is best or can handle. Lists of questions written and answered by Dr Awesome and now time to make a decision.


My thoughts…

  • Option 1 
    • 3 months is a very long time to not have any idea what is going on inside my body
    • a long time to allow tumours to grow (we don’t know how quickly that will happen) or spread (AHH)
    • How much can my body really recover in 3 months, its had this stuff for nearly 18months
    • Ive just had 5 weeks off 
    • I think 3 months of normality maybe dangerous for me mentally because I would get used to normal routine again and then never want to carry on or give it up again
    • Would probably spend 3 months overthinking every pain, change or feeling in my body
    • However 3  months without chemotherapy and the side effects and days that follow it – would be pretty nice and i’m sure i could use the time to its full potential
    • Would it be the only time i get a chance to have 3 months feeling pretty well??
  • Option 2
    • If its growing why the hell would we wait??
    • i have had 5 weeks off to smash out quite a lot from my to do list
    • Errrrr new drugs, new side effects, new routine
    • So one of the new potential side effects is neuropathy and sensitivity to the cold (will explain more in upcoming post), and its now November!
    • Will i lose my hair again? ( the answer was a definite NO, but we shall see)
    • Will it work? – i would find out sooner.
    • Mentally am i in a better place – the answer is yes better than 8 weeks ago.
    • Option 3
      • Can i cope with anymore?
      • Whats the purpose?
      • By the way, as soon as i left the results this was not longer considered

With a little bit of time and plenty of questions and thoughts going around in my head i’ve got a bit of time to make the decision. So i go away chat to some people, think some things through and give myself 5 days to think about it and decide. I cant leave it 2 weeks to just constantly go around in circles. After weighing up the options and all the answers to my questions i decide and realise that option 2 is the winner and the best option for me. Thats all that i can do, pick what i think is best for me.

The biggest thing for me is i can only regret what i don’t do and i need to try everything i can to make the results of the next CT scan a bit more positive (everyone loves a trier lol) and at least a little bit in my control. So next week it begins more chemo…. lets see what happens.