After the bit of hope that there might be other options to explore surgically we head to Dr Just Mights best mate… Who happens to be a liver surgeon. Handy!!
Off we head to another appointment in London, this time to assess what can be done about this shitty liver that has been intent on killing me. In we go to meet liver guy and his clinical nurse specialist… All seeming very optimistic and hopeful, little too much for my liking. With absolute confidence, he explains just what he’d do and shows us what he’d remove. Tricky in his words, but not impossible and not the hardest thing he’s done.
However… here comes the bit I’ve been waiting for, BUT, he’s only doing it if he can garuntee 3 things:
* Can leave at least 40% of liver (would only normally leave 30% but wants to make sure he leaves enough healthy liver for me to recover due to all the treatment I have had- Sensible)
* Wants to check that the liver can regenerate, so a biopsy may be needed and some proof that my ALT markers (which stands for alanine transaminase – an enzyme found mostly in the liver) can lower or return to normal whilst off chemo (therefore able to function) – Seems fair, at least this would be scientific fact and not just someone’s opinion. He would also want 6 weeks off chemo to help the liver be as healthy as possible.
* Lastly, he is only going in if he can get everything in the liver out. If possible do the bowel at the same time too – best option as we don’t want to leave anything a chance to spread, we know it potentially is already in lung, but he thinks that one bit can be sorted.
So, we leave with a clear plan and an inclination from the CNS nurse that he sounds positive and tells me to mentally think about and prepare for surgery. Thinking that’s a bit optimistic from her, but all pointing in the right direction – at the end of the day, she works with him everyday and who can’t pick up on clues from their work colleagues.
Well, hope may be a doing word and it has certainly felt like it since this appointment. I can’t decide what is more exhausting, letting hope in and thinking about a bit more of a future or is resisting those thoughts and burying them deep away more exhausting? Eventually deciding squashing them is too tiring, I have to let little bits in which comes with little dreams I have avoided believing, like playing CM for Fulbourn again, am I really asking that much?
The next step was for the liver man to take it to his MDT and he/his secretary will let us know the following week what is said… We all wait round for Tuesdays news however no news as he is back in surgery. Nurse garuntees we will hear by Wednesday, that’ll be an interesting conversation whilst sat having chemo. Much to her annoyance MDT is reported late and finally, Wednesday afternoon, she let’s us know and says MDT all agree surgery can be done, so get yourself prepared for surgery and we shall see you next week to discuss further.
Wow they were words I never thought I’d hear and something else to comprehend. I begin to let in thoughts about surgery, about life after surgery, extra time, recovery etc and even a few little dreams and hopes that I wanted from my life. Dangerous, but its like someone has handed you a last chance, a torch in the darkness I’ve been stuck in!! Yes it wouldn’t mean a cure but it would mean time and time potentially without treatment and more importantly a potential chance.