Feels like your trapped in a revolving door!!

Just before Christmas came the dreaded scan (every time it feels you with dread) this one though in the grand scheme of things is pretty big as we know we are running out of options and with the hope of surgery still lingering it was almost now or never.

Well in this twisted game you gotta take some gambles, gamble on hope, gamble on treatment, gamble on surgeons. All of which takes a massive physical and mental toll on the body. Well the decision was made and we had been going about it for the last few months, rechallenge with FOLFIRI (Irinotecan, 5FU) and cetuximab the original first line treatment combo.

Walking in to see Dr Awesome is always a bit of a tell tale sign is there a smile, eye contact, muted words or look of gloom. Well her response actually looked quite positive and actually so we’re the results some shrinkage. Shrinkage what we had asked for, shrinkage and disappearance in the lungs (down from 12+ to 6-8 tumours). Shrinkage in tumour size in the liver one down by a cm (tiny margins but margins).

So with a bit of hope the scans sent back over to London and C Imber, and a MRI is arranged for after Christmas. Right now go away and try and seperate life and treatment for a few weeks over Xmas and New Year then straight after the new year hit the chemo hard and await results of MRI and the decision from the surgeon.

Well with a little bit of a cock up and no space for a long chemo slot on the day unit treatment is pushed back a week and finally got back on it last Wednesday. On the Tuesday was the MRI and the meeting with Imber.Well his face was a different picture walking into that room he didn’t look so positive and boy could you feel it.

Unfortunately, MRI shows one of the tumours has wrapped around the other vein (the one leading out of the liver) bad news for anyone, these veins are pretty vital, but right then and there that swiped away the very minor hope of surgery, NOT SAFE his final words. This whole journey just as one door creeps open it swings back and slams you in a face, just keep going round in the stuck revolving doors, getting off not an option anyone wants to take right now.

Unfortunately, not much Imber can do so carry on with chemo and explore final remaining options, not that I know if there are any or what they look like at the moment.

For now everything crossed FOLFIRI and Cetux keep doing a job at holding it at bay.

In the midst of all this, my chemo pal (miriam – originally candy crush lady) and me have taken up Yoga for 6 weeks at the Maggies Centre, mix that with Accupuncture and my Reflexology and I will find some inner peace if only for little slots of time.

4 comments

  1. Sophie · January 24

    Sam you are amazing! Keep doing what you are doing and keeping EVERYTHING crossed the chemo keeps the cancer under control x

  2. Sallyann · January 24

    Sam it is nothing short of miraculous that you are able to write this blog given your initial prognosis all those years ago. To even be able to say years ago is a testament to your tenacity and dogged determination. You are an inspiration xxxx sallyann

  3. Sandra · January 24

    Every time I read one of your entries on this blog Sam I’m left speechless.
    I’ve known you all your life & I’m so very proud of you girl.
    Say bugger to cancer & live, live, live your life Sweetie – with all your might x x x

  4. Stacey · January 24

    You’re the best! You keep all of us so inspired and strong 🙂 miss you every dayyyyy but reading these makes me feel connected 🙂 thanks for always sharing so openly